Realise

re·al·ize   /ˈriəˌlaɪz/
[ree-uh-lahyz]
verb

1.To grasp or understand clearly.
2.to make real; give reality to (a hope, fear, plan, etc.).
3.to bring vividly to the mind.


I understand, now, that I've been lying to myself for a long time. I admitted it once, and pushed at away again; hid it in that little golden padlocked chest in my head and tried to lose the key. Swept it under the rug, as it were. You can't lie to yourself. I suppose i always knew, somewhere in the mislead wanderings of my mind that it's true, and also that there's absolutely nothing i can do about it. caught up in a spider's web of complications- wishing I could wriggle free and knowing at the same time someone will get hurt whichever way i go. If i just make sure that person is not you, I've said to myself, then everything will be okay. Eventually.

Thats a lie as well. Grin and bear it, shovel instinct to one side, and hope, just hope, that the spider's web will untangle.

If you make a promise to yourself, you have to keep it. No matter what.